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FootSteps

" Some people would admit themselves as Princess , but me? Hell no! I'M THE QUEEN


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Believe in what we call F A T E...
Friday, 14 July 2017 • 00:05 • 1 comments




Assalammualaikum and Hai.


it's me again, for. . . hahaha.. tah laa.. mukadimah harini mungkin akan banyak merapu... Tapi aku malas laa nak bebel bebanyak.. i guess let me just tell what i really feel now. Seandainya ini memang takdir aku untuk lalui ujian dari yang Maha Besar, Allah SWT....

The truth is,.... Yes. I'm so full of "scared mood" right now. Every now and then, just being filled by the darkness around me. Okay, i know.. maybe some of you don't really get what i'm trying to say here, but.. there is something.. Some secret that we can't just tell people, right? Semua orang ada rahsia terdalam yang tak mampu nak bagitau orang kan? 

That secret of mine is what we called aib. So, takkan nak cerita aib aku sendiri dekat public kan? Obviously not. Mesti pernah dengar kan, "Jagalah aib orang, maka Allah akan tutup aib2 kita"...Okay, yes i know. Aku ni bukanlah baik mana. Takdaklah sealim mana pun bagi sesiapa yang mengenali dark side of me. But..... hear me out guys. I'm just fckd up by some problems that i made on my own. Hahaha.. i know i know, what you would think of me.. maybe sesetengah akan berfikir,  "she's the one who messed up thing and being fck up with the whole situation, and now she's crying for help by telling people at her blog?", and maybe ada sesetengah lagi akan fikir macam, "awatlah budak ni update entri pasai masalah yang dia sendiri cari? ni macam nak bukak pekung di dada sendiri, tapi dekat atas cakap pasai tutup aib..?", or "memang semua nak kena update ke? nak dunia tahu laa yang kau tu sebenarnya bermasalah?"...but pleaselah jangan fikir macam tu. THIS is my private spot. So biarkanlah aku nak tulis apa. JANGAN KONDEM. Yes, kau ada hak untuk kritik, but bukan untuk kondem aku....You guys are here just to read the story of what's going on in my life..

okkkkkkkk.. hm, I can't just really escape it. How i really wish i could. Memang yang buat masalah tu aku sendiri, tapi it's just feel so unrealistic!

Some people just face the fact and accept the reality. . . . 

But. . .,

Some people just won't. Sesetengah kelompok yang jenis susah nak terima ni...what i can say is... kinda hard to handle. 

Benda yang jadi dekat aku ni, kira salah satu pengajaran terbaik laa.. hahaha.. The lesson that i've learn is that, never to mess with someone's heart. And most important is, never pick the wrong person to mess with.

People make mistakes every single day. I also make mistakes every second in life. Never can turn back time. Never can look at the past. Just have to move on. Keep forward in life.

Aku muda.

Aku masih tak matang.

Aku tengah belajar untuk hidup.

Aku tengah struggle nak kenali dunia.

Aku perlukan bimbingan.

Dan......
Aku akan sentiasa buat silap. Kadang2 akan berulang silap tu...

Sebab aku cuma manusia...

So, yeah.. Aku ngaku.. aku takut. Hidup dalam ketakutan untuk sekarang.. Sebab dihantui masalah yang aku sendiri bangkitkan. Hahahaha.. Mungkin ini akan jadi pengajaran terindah dan terpahit. Sekurangnya ini akan sentiasa aku ingat untuk dijadikan pengajaran buat diri sendiri dengan orang lain. Mungkin lepas selesai semua masalah aku hadapi ni, aku boleh bantu orang lain yang hadapi benda sama. Dulu bila aku tengok orang lain hadapi, aku tak cukup faham apa yang diorang perlu lalui. Sekarang baru aku tau perit nak kena lalui tu sendiri, tak boleh nak kongsi dan kalau cerita sekalipun, orang tak faham... sebab kesilapan masa buat keputusan dalam hidup tu effect the whole thing in future.

Nak tanya pendapat koranglah.. Macam mana nak legakan rasa resah, nak hilangkan rasa takut masa tengah hadapi masalah besar yang boleh mengaibkan banyak pihak??

Aku sayang mak ayah aku. Tapi aku sendiri yang buat pilihan yang salah, so aku patut hadapi dan tanggung sorang2lah kan?. Aku kesiankan mak ayah aku. Terutamanya ayah aku laa.. haihh, dia nak pergi haji tahun ni :) tapi aku buat masalah ni dan tak reti nak selesaikan lagi. Aku taknak dia susah hati. Aku tau rupa dia bila susah hati, bila dia risau. Tido malam pun belum tentu lagi ayah aku tu. Haihhhh.. dengan faktor usia macam tu. Masih fikirkan aku, macam mana nak tanggung aku dengan nak lanjutkan lagi pengajian aku lagi. Ayah dah cukup tua untuk aku. Aku pulak dah cukup besar nak bebankan dia lagi. Tapi aku tak jumpa lagi jalan penyelesaian terbaik. Haih.. bila tengok balik, macam berat sebelah.. aku tanya banyak pendapat.. ramai kata berat sebelah, itu bagi diorang semua yang taktau whole story. Diorang faham dari sudut cerita aku yang tak full dan bukan yang real punya. Tapi, kalau yang berat sebelah tu jaa yang mampu jauhkan benda tu dari mak ayah aku atas kesilapan memalukan aku, aku sanggup.. cuma sekarang aku tak mampu sepenuhnya.


Sekarang aku hanya mampu bersujud di tikar sembahyang dan menadah tangan memohon ampun atas kesilapan2 aku lalu memohon ringankan azab dekat ayah aku terutamanya..

Memohon pertolongan daripada-Nya sahaja untuk sekarang. Hm....


The Blue Sky Tag
Saturday, 3 June 2017 • 22:28 • 3 comments




hi and assalammualaikum to all peeps!

Hahaha, sorry to readers sekalian sebab baru sekarang nak update lagi entry baru. Ni update pun sebab bosan dan rupanya kena tag lah.. hahaha... saya telahpun ditag oleh dua orang gadis manis iaitu, Syilah dengan Eyqin.. btw, you guys should check out these girls blog.. so nice! better than mine, that's for sure.. hehe..just click the link at their name's.
So, taknak panjang2.. harini pun dah masuk seminggu berpuasa, btw.. Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al- Mubarak untuk semua saudara Islam ku. Semoga ramadhan tahun ni dirahmati..
And, sorry guy.. banner utk blue sky tag ni tak dapat di handmade laa.. haha.. busy assignment and final is around the corner. T^T so ini je mampu.. haha..

Now! let's get to the point...


RULES:

- Thank the person who tagged you (thanks to d' lovely SYILAH and EYQIN)
- Answer their 11 questions (sorry if my answers are just messing with you guys XD)
- Tag 11 people (be ready~ muahahaha)
- Give them 11 questions to answer (goodluck!)

First who tag me was:-
Syilah....

Her questions was:-

1. Apa yang membuatkan tercetusnya idea untuk adakan blog dan apa rahsia di sebalik nama blog korang itu?
-idea tu saja2 je sebenarnya. Sekadar untuk luahan perasaan. Nama tu sebenarnya pakai hentam saja~~ 

2. Belajar di mana sekarang dan dalam course apa?
-dca (diploma in culinary arts) dan dekat FIM. Boleh search fim tu dekat mana XD sebab dah nak grad ni.. ahhahaha.. 

3. Movie latest yang korang dah tengok and cadangkan movie apa yang patut Syilah tengok?
-baby boss... download! sumpah seronok.. pirates of the caribean of course la best.. so itu wajib...muahahaha

4. Macam mana nak hadapi masalah dalam hidup dan masalah itu terbawa sampai ke tempat kerja/sekolah/universiti/kolej?
-kalau boleh, cuba selesaikan.. kalau tak mampu, cari seseorang yang mampu tolong..last solution is just redha~ tawakal~ muahaha..

5. Perkara yang tidak dapat dilupakan sehingga kini?
-accident. Jatuh moto. ^_^' hehe.. masa tu semua rasa gelap.. tapi rupanya tertutup mata.. ingatkan bakal arwah dah masa otw pegi sekolah tu.. hahaha..

6. Berapa negeri di Malaysia sudah korang travel?
-yang penting, dah lebih dari 1 la.. haha.. ok, yang belum travel Sabah, Sarawak, Johor, Terengganu dengan Kelantan je.. so yang lain dah~~

7. Barang yang paling disukai dan sayang?
-bantal buat tido tu kesayangan.. haha.. dengan jam baby-g sempena birthday yang ke-19..hahaha..fav sebab ayah belikan..muhahaha..

8. Jumlah gaji pertama yang diperoleh dan buat apa dengan gaji pertama itu?
-rm35 XD hahaha.. habiskan dekat topup dengan minyak moto.

9. Minat baca novel? Novel apa yang paling best setakat ini?
-minat tu ada bila mood sampailah.. mood kalau keluar berlayar.. sampai ke sudah tak membacanya.. haha.. suka baca Aifa Batrisya punya novel.. "duda terlajak laris", "meh sandar pada aku" dengan "my dear mr. dimples"

10. Universiti dalam Malaysia atau luar negara yang terbaik? Mengapa?
-entah laa.. no komen.. haha.. XD

11. Apa kekurangan blog Syilah yang perlu diperbaiki? 
-kekurangan tu tak nampaklah sangat..actually simpple is nice.. so keep on the good work~

Now, second question from:-
Eyqin...

  1. If someone insults you, what are you doing?
    -it will be either one of my side.. first is, i will give them my comeback with my beautiful sarcasm, like always.. hehe ^_^ second would be, i just keep quiet and smile. Pahala free, sapa takmau... muahahahaha..
  2. What kind of people do you like ?
    -no fxcking fake people please. (pfft! obviously)
    -the one i can be myself when i'm around them. :)
  3. do you judge a person just from external ?
    -first impression? yes. When i get to know them, nope. External will rot, internal will last.
  4. What is your greatest strength or weakness ?
    -my smile is my greatest smile (i guess -_-') weakness? EGO! SELFISH~ hahahaha.
  5. If you could be any age for a month , what age would that be ?
    -10? or 11 something.. haha.. i wanna live my childhood back! T^T
  6. What strange thing have you eaten ?
    -can't remember, or maybe i don't wanna remember it! hahaha
  7. Do you have anyone you to go for some advice ?
    -kinda.. My father.. (of course i go to him sometimes) and maybe my bestie! (NHA)
  8. How would your friends describe you?
    -different (for now laa.. since things change :( )
  9. If you are in a bad mood, do you prefer to be left alone or have someone to cheer you up ?
    - A.L.O.N.E
  10. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done and would you do it again?
    -riding coaster (i guess) haha...
  11. Do you believe in second chances?
    -always and forever. Everyone deserve it.
ok!!! done guys.. DONE 22 questions.. hahahaha.. so.. untuk 11 soalan aku tu.. haha.. baru nk fikir.. but i guess this should do it.. hehe..
Goodluck answering to it! let me know if the people i tag are done with my question..

  1. what will you do when you're down or sad?
  2. would you do what everyone told you to do or would you follow your heart?
  3. where would you have been imagine yourself in 10 years?
  4. what would you want to do in the future?
  5. if you can escape just for one day, where would you go, and who would you be?
  6. if you can exchange yourself into someone else, who would you be and why?
  7. explain yourself in 3 words.
  8. list 5 things you hated the most.
  9. your ideal type of guys/girls
  10. the fashion style you like now and why?
  11. one thing you always wanted to do in life
http://budakpeliksstory.blogspot.my/
http://gadisdemure.blogspot.my/
http://rainbowneon.blogspot.my/
https://nurulrasya.com/
http://sarahsaadun.blogspot.my/
http://hoodini29.blogspot.my/
http://nfarahinz.blogspot.my/
http://miss-azwarsyuhada.blogspot.my/
http://shafyqahazahar.blogspot.my/
http://anggunsiselekeh.blogspot.my/

So! that is my question.. i hope this 11 people can answer it sincerely.. haha.. so ini ja dulu.. see you on the next entry..






Broken.
Tuesday, 2 May 2017 • 20:43 • 0 comments




Assalammualaikum & hi again peps!

Harini aku update lagi blog usang yang tiada cerita menarik untuk dikongsikan selain sesi luahan perasaan aku lagi. 

At last! about 1 month and a half to go before this all end. Tinggal lagi sebulan lebih something laa sebelum aku habis study dan tunggu untuk konvo bulan 11 ni. Rasa nak habis tu semakin membuak-buak sebab duduk sini pun, bukannya happy sangat. Entah la kenapa dengan hati ni.. walaupun dikelilingi orang, tapi tetap sunyi. Rasa macam tidak diingini kadang-kadang tu. 

Hurmm, kadang tu perasaan kita ni bukannya betul sangat. Tapi entah laa.. mungkin sebab banyak masalah. Haih, dah la gaduh dengan bestie pulak... hahaha.. (i guess we were in a fight now.. ) 
FYI, i'm really sorry to my bestie (Miss NHA) for those stupid fights we are having now or in the future. Such a childish we are, mostly I am, to be honest. Maybe because we were too busy handling our own problems until its involving our friendship that we built for the last 8 years. Sorry for jeopardizing it. Sorry for all the mistakes that i've made in the past that might annoyed and hurt you. Pejam celik, pejam celik dah 8 tahun beb! Later, let's celebrate our 8th friendship! 

Aku tau, that you ( miss NHA) are having you hard times in college. Hope for the best of you in the future. Sorry bebankan hang weyh. Aku ni dah la beban. Bebai pulak tu. Hahaha, such a sucker for a friend.

Do you guys know, sometime to aku rasa kalau boleh, biarlah kewujudan aku dihapuskan.. hehehe, well.. i guess that my existence isn't important, so why live? hahahahaha.. just how deeply i wish that would come true sometime. Lately, aku suka dengar lagu My Heart I Surrender by I Prevail. Sedikit sebanyak, aku rasa tenanglah sikit bila dengar lagu tu. Kalau tengok liriknya memanglah untuk lovers. Tapi untuk lirik tu deep sebenarnya. Bukan untuk lovers jaa.

Susah laa bila membesar ni. Walaupun ianya satu proses tumbesaran, tapi itu tak bermakna aku kena sukakan proses ni. Each time, my feelings are hurt. Growing up isn't fun guys! it hurts! it's truly hurt. Sebab tu aku suka tido. Tidur yang abadi macam sleeping beauty pun best... Hahahahaha..



But when you wake up.........

Reality hurts. 

People hurts.

People are rarely surprising. Always disappointing.

Feelings broken.

Btw, does any of you tahu cara-cara nak gembirakan hati? Haha, you know. To be happy. When will my happily ever after ending will come?